Published by Admin on August 3, 2020

5 Sizzling Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life

Let’s get a few things straight here, one that you have to be comfortable with yourself, your body, and your partner’s sense of confidence and self-worth. These rules are only going to apply to safe, healthy relationships. You may feel like your relationship is in a slump, but, for any of these things to work, you still have to have a healthy connection. The other thing to get straight is that, well, I’m straight and I’m a woman so that’s where this info is coming from. I am a feminist and I think that has helped me find a voice in the bedroom.

Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for What You Want! If you don’t communicate to your partner what you want in bed, well, you’ll never get it and you’ll never be satisfied completely. I’m also going to remind everyone how popular the entire 50 Shades of Grey series was and how it changed things up in the bedroom for many couples. Women decided, some, finally, to admit that they actually like to be dominated in bed. Nothing wrong with that, just draw your boundaries, beforehand. Things like “I like to be choked, but don’t call me a ‘whore’ during sex”, etc. You don’t need to draw up a contract in your marriage, but you need to be firm about what you like and what you don’t (or play around until you get it right). Don’t forget, if you want your needs to be met, then make sure that you are willing/making an effort to meet their needs or are willing to meet in the middle if those things are on your “No Way in Hell” list.
Try role playing. I said “try”. Everyone has certain fantasies that they want to play out and, if you’re in a loving, trusting, and respectful relationship, then you should be able to communicate your fantasies and play them out comfortably. If they don’t turn out to work or live up to what you thought in your head, you could always try something different later.
Learn how to have make-up sex (if you’re not already doing it). It might sound stupid, but physical intimacy is needed “during the fight” according to “fair fighting rules” I read 100 years ago in marriage counseling with my ex. (I cannot seem to find online or I’d provide the link). The point of the rule was to maintain a connection (physically) during a conflict, however, we all know this could be difficult because distance isn’t always such a bad thing. Anyhow, AFTER the fight is over, you have to find a way to physically reconnect and not wait too long to do it. It strengthens your bond, it provides a physical outlet from the stress of the fight, and it’s generally hot as Hell.
Play Together. If toys interest you (and your partner), then play together. There are only about a million kinds out there, so take your pick. No man or woman can replicate the sensations of a vibrator, so find a little finger-sized one of those to use during sex to see if you like it before you commit to having an entire toy box. Plus, a lot of people like the idea of shopping together and you don’t have to go to toy stores anymore trying to figure out if what you’re buying has been “tried on”. 😛 You can also try watching porn together, see what the other likes or try to change up positions when they do.
Don’t overlook the details of setting the mood. Sexy music, candles (everyone looks better in candlelight), a couple of feathers, a glass of ice is always fun, in front of the mirror, a couple of cinnamon Altoids, they make all kinds of different lubrication that heats, cools, etc., however, little tip here: use very little if you’re still, um, how do I say this, producing your own lubrication, otherwise, you won’t get enough friction to actually enjoy sex.

The Importance of Sex in a Relationship

In any long-term relationship, your sex life, or lack thereof, can make the difference between being a functioning, satisfied, and happy couple, OR being roommates. Sex, obviously is not the only important thing in your relationship and, to have a healthy sex life, you must first have monogamy (that’s what I would advocate for, from my professional therapist point of view), trust, love, respect BEFORE you can build the healthy sex life.

There will, of course be lulls sometimes in your sex life, but deciding to just vacate the premises of the bedroom can lead to affairs, online, emotional, sexual, etc. Then, you’re talking separation, who sees the kids when, divorce, etc.

A Place for Everything Else

Sex is obviously a very important part of a healthy long-term relationship, but it can’t be the only important thing in your life together. Just like love can’t be the only layer in the foundation that is your relationship. Many people who are still in their honeymoon phase, newlyweds, or planning a wedding, still believe that love is all they need for a relationship to survive. Um…it won’t carry you through when you fall out of love with each other. I’m of the belief that 2 kinds of love exist in relationship: the “I love you” everyday kind of love and the “falling in love” (infatuation) kind of love. No one seems to believe me about that part of ever “falling out of love” with your own spouse or long-term partner. I watched an interview with a couple who had been married for 65+ years on the morning news once and they said their tip for married couples was to “never fall out of love at the same time”. So, even when you’re “out of love” with your partner, you have to keep that healthy sex life as a physical connection.