***IF YOU FOUND THIS ARTICLE ON SHARED DEVICES AND YOU COULD BE IN DANGER, LEAVE IT AND GO TO THE LIBRARY OR A FRIEND OR YOUR WORK! My ex was able to track everything all devices, especially my phone: COMPUTERS, iPads, Phone Plans, etc.
“Just come home if you’re unhappy.” “Why didn’t you just leave?” “Why didn’t you tell me about this?” “I would have never thought that YOU would have let this happen to you.” (That one is a real gut punch right to the shame you’ve been carrying.) Or…if he was to totally isolate you from everyone, they’re somehow pissed at you. So, no one thought, in all these years that it ODD you hadn’t reached out? Or you’d been around a million times and never given even a hint that you were being abused. Or maybe you’d tried to reach out to someone close, like your immediate family, to give a little hint that you’re being abused, but they don’t say or do anything about it because it’s a) inconvenient for them or b) they already believe him to be some kind of saint. Yes,he’s The Patron Saint of Manipulation.
Without going into too much detail here, once you’re stripped of your self-esteem, self-worth, and all power, “just leaving” feels impossible. This is the Power and Control Wheel. I apologize if you’re unable to read it. I do want mention something called “Gaslighting” before I do a quick breakdown of the Power and Control Wheel. Even though the definition in the wheel is “makes you feel like you’re going crazy”. Gaslighting is essentially defined in the same way, it’s simply the manipulation of someone until you have them questioning their own decision-making and reality (i.e. making you think you’re crazy). Here’s a bit of a breakdown of the Power and Control Wheel:
**Keep an emergency plan in place, know where your nearest shelter is, if you need it (some can provide transportation). Keep Social Security cards, Birth Certificates, all important documents, YOUR credit cards, if you’re able to get them. Pretend you’re at war, babe, because, well, you are, and you have to outsmart your abuser.
Your break-up or divorce will have it’s own soundtrack. I know mine did and those songs still stab me in the heart. If you forget why you are leaving, listen to these songs and remember the lyrics:
Power and Control Wheel is courtesy of Google, other pics, including title pics are from FreePik and designed using Canva
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