How To Romance Your Wife/Partner
Here’s a newsflash, people: Relationships are investment. You put nothing into an investment, you get no return, right? So put in the effort if you want to keep that person. Marriage and kids don’t have to change the relationship between the two as much IF you invest in EACH OTHER. Kids will absolutely DESTROY your marriage, but only if you let them. If your relationship is strong and you’re a united front, you will have more energy and time to spend ON your actual marriage and each other.
FYI: If You Don’t Do it, Someone Else Will
Imagine how you feel when your needs aren’t met. If you know how that feels, trust me, your wife has or does feel the same way. Imagine that her needs are not being met and, behind you, are three guys waiting in line to meet those needs, I promise. Bottom line: Pretend the two of you are still dating.
Attention, Appreciation, Affection
It’s simple, gentlemen, if you sufficiently do these three things, your relationship value will increase. These simple things, will get YOUR needs met too. Not getting enough physical affection? If you treat her like she matters, she will warm to you again and that rocky road will smooth out. I’m going to break this down with examples:
- Attention: I recommend spending time together. Talking, doing things with AND without the kids, if you don’t already have shared hobbies, find one. She just wants to know that she ranks at the top of your list of priorities.
- Active Listening-put down your phone, look at her and HEAR what she is saying When she complains about a co-worker to you, listen because she will likely complain about that same co-worker again and when you say “who?” she’s going to be pissed.
- If you’re into gift giving I recommend the two of you take a look at The Five Love Languages (you can take the quiz if you follow the link, the results are pretty self-explanatory) by Gary Chapman. It helps the two of you understand what you need from each other. Follow along with what kind of hints she might be giving about different things: flowers, candy, jewelry, etc. It doesn’t have to be a big, expensive thing. For instance, my fiance will randomly buy me a candy bar that he knows I like or “just because” flowers.
- Appreciation: If you come home from work to a woman who has Cheerios in her hair, um, she needs to know that you appreciate all of the work she does around the house, with the kids, etc. And, it’s WORK. I might not BE a Momma, but I know they bust their asses for their families (or whoever the partner is that picks up all home slack, it’s never 50/50. In fact, the numbers can sometimes be 90/10, but that’s what a partnership is.) Or maybe she just busts ass and work and comes home exhausted.
- Flowers, candy, and jewelry apply in this situation too. Remind her that you love her. Remind her that she is a woman. (FYI: You remind her that she is a woman, she’ll remember that you’re the man…wink, wink, nudge, nudge.)
- You may even be able to get away with lingerie, but be careful with this one. This is to remind her that she’s beautiful and has a Goddess body, but she COULD interpret this as you just wanting to get laid. If you’re having bedroom issues, you might want to pass, but, if she’s feeling insecure about her body, MAYBE a good idea (MAKE SURE YOU GET THE RIGHT SIZE! Or something that ties on, like bikini style.)
- Literally, saying thank you. Sincerely.
- Doing her a service. Do the dishes, vacuum, read to the kids before beds, etc.
- Give her a massage.
- Affection: I thought this would be a perfect segue from giving her a massage. I will say this, for many men, affection is translated via sex, which is totally fine. Believe it or not, most women actually LIKE having sex! So that’s cool. BUUUUT, I’m going to preface these examples by saying, sex is not the only form of affection for women.
- Hold her hand in public and at home.
- Sit next to her at home and when you’re out. And put your arm around her.
- Hold her in bed. Be a big spoon.
- Run her a bath…and join.
- I want you to challenge yourself (don’t tell her) and see how long you can stay connected to her throughout the day.
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Please share your feedback on how these techniques worked with your partner. Did they help to bring the two of you together?