Quiz: Are You a Co-Dependent Person?

1. Do you always feel like you have to consult your “other half” before making even the smallest decisions?
2. Do you feel like your life would be completely empty without the other person?
3. Do you rely on them for things that a caregiver might provide (meals, cleaning, shopping, etc.)
4. Do you feel, at times, like you might be relying on them a little too much?
5. Do you have fears of disappointing your partner?
6. Do you have fears of upsetting this person if you feel you make any decision on your own?
7. Do you have a fear of rejection from your significant other?
8. Are you afraid that your partner might resent you for relying on them?
9. Do you feel a need to have reassurance constantly that you are loved?
10. Are you insecure about this person leaving you?
11. Do you often feel helpless without this person?
12. Do you feel like your world would collapse if you lost that person?
13. Have you ever spent any time without being in a relationship?
14. Have you ever let people cross boundaries with you for fear of rejection if you object?
15. Have you ever manipulated the truth to gain emotional support?

What to do if you are Co-Dependent

• If you answered 10-15 out of 15 questions “yes”, you are most likely Co-Dependent and need to seek some kind of professional assistance/therapy with your partner (and without). You have to learn how to become independent, self-sufficient, make your own decisions, and learn to be an active, engaged PARTNER. You can no longer manipulate people. It’s not healthy for you OR for them. 
• If you answered 5-9 out of 15 questions “yes”, you are possibly Co-Dependent and need to become self-aware about your behaviors. If you clicked on this quiz, you obviously wanted to know if you were possibly Co-Dependent. If you think you are, I want you to be very mindful for the next week about your activities and assess whether or not you think you  need to see someone to help you work through some issues. When someone mentions therapy, people think it’s lying on a couch telling your whole life story for eternity. It’s not. As a therapist, it’s our goal to troubleshoot with new clients, especially when they’re unsure what they’re diagnosis. You may only spend 6 or less sessions there. 
• If you were 1-4 out of 15 questions “yes”, you have little chance that you are Co-Dependent, but any yes answer gives cause to be more self-aware, but no cause for alarm. If you know that you do manipulate others around you, that’s certainly unhealthy and something to work on to create healthy boundaries and respectful relationships now and in the future. 

Ways to Remain Independent in a Relationship

You can be a couple, but maintain your own identity. My recommendation, take time in between your relationships to learn more and more about what you like, what you want and deserve in a partner, and set short and long-term goals. When you’re with someone, you don’t have to throw any of those parts of you out the window. You are still you. You can still have independent goals and couples goals. You don’t become absorbed as part of a couple so don’t lose yourself. 

Do some positive journaling, positive affirmations (specific to yourself that will remind you everyday that you are an independent person), build a vision board about what you want, your goals, maybe some inspirational saying. Keep healthy boundaries with your significant other. (Follow my blogs along and I have one about that). But keep reminding yourself of who YOU are. 

All pics come from FreePik and Title pic designed using FreePik and Canva

**Please let me know how you keep your independence while in your relationship or if you feel you are struggling with Co-Dependence in your relationship(s).