So You Think You Can Wed?

Here’s the most important question to you and your partner about your view on marriage: Is it “just a piece of paper”? Because, if it is, read the rest of this post, and many others. Any married person I’ve ever spoken with knows that marriage isn’t “just a piece of a paper”. There needs to be some moment during the engagement where the two of you consider the weight and seriousness of marriage. 

Also, consider, why you’re getting married? Do you love yourself first? Is someone pregnant? Shotgun weddings aren’t a thing anymore (even with the popularity of maternity wedding dresses). How old are you? Did you “sow your wild oats”? Every. One. Has. Wild. Oats. In some form or fashion. I had to grow up pretty quick so I also sowed some pretty wild oats young. There are plenty of things to accomplish as a married couple, but have you accomplished all of the things that you wanted to as a single person? Have you been independent? Lived alone? Learned to be happy being alone? Have you written a bucket list? Have you crossed anything off the list? Do you and your partner have similarities on your bucket lists?

Have you asked the really hard questions?

Here are some fun ones: 

• Do you want to have pets?
• Do you want to stay where you live or move to another part of the country (or even country)?
• Have you finished your educations? Would you like to continue further?
• What are your common interests? (This one is more important than you might think).
• Do you want children? 
• What are you going to do if you can’t have children? Have you considered that this could be a concern? Is adoption something that you would consider as a couple? Fostering children?
• If you are going to have a blended family, do you have concerns about how everyone gets along?

These are just some of the things to consider before you wed. See my upcoming blog about questions you must ask your significant other. 

Did you try some Premarital Counseling?

It’s difficult to find a non-secular counselor who’s willing to do your premarital counseling so, when I got married, we were referred to well-established pastor in the community who preferred to do premarital counseling with couples before he married them. We wanted both, though neither of us were religious. For the most part, the religious component of the counseling was left out, aside from a Biblical hide and seek workbook about how the man is superior and supposed to lead the household. In some ways, this aligned with what “traditional values” we wanted to have in our home. 

At one time, we did a personality quiz to see if we were compatible in that arena, since we made so much sense everywhere else. I scored high on both hostility and nurturing. Our Pastor said I should be wearing combat boots and a women’s studies major. As a pretty staunch feminist, I was proud, but the rest of this narrative might confuse you now knowing this. 

Who’s going to “wear the pants”?

As someone with the seemingly “stronger” personality in my relationship, people assumed that I “wore the pants” (they called us Barbie and Ken). Since I was working at a company that could segue into a dream job for me, I gave it up because I thought that the right move was to move with and support my husband with his job that was a sure thing. (Capt Crazy Pants turned out to be an abusive Narcissistic a$$hole, that’s another blog for another time).

Having clearly defined roles BEFORE you get married will help you better understand what your future will look like. Will it stay that way? NO! However, if you put 2 Type A personalities together, you will find that one will STILL come out on top, so to speak. The most dominant person will always end up getting the “final” say on decisions. Compromise is the only true path to equality in the marriage. Pick your battles. 

Can you really have sex with that same person for the rest of your life? For. The. Rest. Of. Your. Life?

Have you been living together thus far? How has the sex been? Who’s the sexual “aggressor” and who’s the more “passive” person in the bedroom? Every once in awhile you have to mix up who the one making the first move is because you do NOT want the sex to get boring. Do not compare your sex life to your friends’ sex lives. This isn’t Sex and the City. Your sex life needs to be one of the safest places in your marriage where you can fantasize, be honest, and experiment without judgment. If you don’t feel that way now, you need to address this because…um…same junk forever? Figure it out first. So, you think you can wed?

Don’t worry! I keep on writing about love, marriage, and divorce along with mental health, illness, and substance abuse. Visit my homepage to follow me ANYwhere! Thanks for the read! Leave questions, comments, or complaints on this post:)

All Pictures from FreePik.com (They’re seriously AWEsome!)