The 12 Steps of Christmas (Step 10)

…on the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…a continued personal inventory and promptly admitted when they were wrong…

Did you hear that? My job here is done. It’s completely self-explanatory. Or not. Here comes the annoying, nasal-filled mom voice: “These are stepping stones and you will continue to look back and reassess, blah, blah, blah.” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. And again and again, etc. Look back at Steps 4, 8,9, and this will assist you in understanding Step 10. 

In the spirit of New Year’s Eve, let’s dig a little deeper into Step 10. Step 10 states (if you read it from “The Big Book”, hint, hint), “Disagreeable or unexpected problems are not the only ones that call for self-control.” So, how do you celebrate the good times and/or holidays, without using? Well, we’re going to talk about that because, unless you plan to never leave your home or speak to anyone again, you will be exposed to some types of substances, especially alcohol.

It’s something that we have dedicated rites of passage, buildings to the sale of, and buildings to the consumption of…alcohol. We practically revere the shit. So making a toast with something other than alcohol might seem unnatural, but, get used to it. There may be wine in others’ glasses, or even champagne, but there shouldn’t be in yours. And don’t for a second think that alcohol is ok because you preferred opiates or another substance.

Instead…

Instead of toasting with wine or beer or champagne, make your own signature drink. Sprite and cranberry juice? Peach juice? (I love that stuff, Minute Maid makes it, and, no, I don’t make any money for saying that). Or toast at the kids table. Or ask someone to be your sobriety buddy for the night. If you’ve been working the Steps with family, you might have already exposed to your family how fragile you’re feeling for the holidays. Someone pregnant, sick, or also in recovery would be the first places to look. One of the difficulties with being sober is learning how to have fun, part of it is brain chemistry and part of it is viewing fun without using as being “uncool” for lack of better terminology. 

Next, I want to summarize something that I feel will assist you in the New Year. I will provide you with the links so that you can read the entire blog at a later time, but a peeve of mine with “The Big Book” is that there isn’t exactly much to assistance in staying sober. There are likely sober events, I’m sure smaller towns, however, do not have these. We have “call your sponsor”, “go to a meeting”, “ask your Higher Power for help”, the desire to stop drinking, “take what you need and leave the rest”, “keep it simple stupid (KISS)”, etc. However, there aren’t many strategies to use in the moment when you feel a relapse coming on. For now, I want you to name 5 things about yourself that are positive affirmations that you can repeat to yourself when you feel a weak moment:

• Resourceful: EVERYONE with an addiction is resourceful. (I don’t care if I sound like an asshole or if I am completely presumptuous about people, but hear me out.) You spent a great deal of time trying to find money or something to turn into money to then spend time on finding what you wanted. Which means: lying and stealing (possibly). If you sold food stamps or EBT, that’s stealing from people who pay taxes just so you know. 
• Courageous: You put yourself in dangerous situations at some point. That’s not courageous. That’s just downright stupid. Courageous is looking digging down deep and making it to Step 10. See, many people quit at Step 4, when you have to examine who you really are. But, here you are now at Step 10, still going strong. I would classify that as courageous. 
• Determined: Just like courageous, you have continued in the face of humiliation, humility, fear, withdrawal, and admittance of every tiny flaw that you could ever think to list. You’ve also continued through each Step, hopefully, with family. Quitting isn’t easy and many people have many botched attempts before they can accomplish this goal. 
• Humble:  You have to have had some humility to get this far in the Steps. Giving things away to a Higher Power takes humility because we’re asking for complete faith and belief that our Higher Power will come through as long as we make the first move. Character defects and admitting the nature of our wrongs is not easy, especially when we’re having to say it out loud for other people to hear. To admit them in your head is one thing, but to share them out loud is another. And learning to balance between humility and confidence.
• Strong: Again, if you’ve made it this far, the sum of all of the previous characteristics is strength. You have fought fear, temptation, withdrawal, triggers, new uncomfortable (to say the least) feelings that you are going to have to work through, and carry new responsibilities (or responsibilities that you should have been all along). Strength of character comes to those who are trying to strive to be better than the person they were the day before. It’s that simple. You’re competing with no one but yourself and everyday you get stronger. 
• For further resources, from positive affirmations, to things to do to keep you busy (those little things called self-care), don’t worry. I’ve got you covered with some other resources (blogs). Just click on the links:
  •  https://www.notamomma.com/20-positive-affirmations/
  • https://www.notamomma.com/13-break-up-self-love-activities/
  • https://www.notamomma.com/20-positive-journal-prompts/
  • https://www.notamomma.com/today-is-your-day-time-to-have-fun-in-quarantine/
  • https://www.notamomma.com/20-cheap-quarantine-date-ideas/
  • https://www.notamomma.com/halt-for-addiction/
  • https://www.notamomma.com/today-is-your-day-have-fun-outdoors-in-quarantine/
  • https://www.notamomma.com/relapse-prevention-people-places-things-and-situations/
  • https://www.notamomma.com/addiction-is-a-family-disease-part-1/
  • https://www.notamomma.com/relapse-prevention-triple-a-alter-avoid-accept/

You should visit the blog page, I’m up to almost 70 posts at this time and I stick with mental health, relationships, and addictions, namely. Sometimes, I throw in one just for fun. Follow me on social media for updates as well. I’d love to hear your feedback, your own experiences, comments, questions, complaints, etc. 

**All pics come from Adobe Stock or FreePik and title pic is designed using Canva.