There’s an unspoken diversion of Mommas’ and Notamommas’. (Don’t pretend it’s not there, that’s BS, you know it is.) Between the divisions, lies the “I wish I could be a Momma” ladies. If you’ve you’ve read my “Why I’m Notamomma” blog post, you would know that there’s still that little part of me that sits in this group. This woman dignifies the baby showers and new baby hospital visits and gender reveal parties (when did that become such a thing!?), then, those women go home and sob quietly because they are afraid that it may never happen for them.
Not to sound like an asshole, but, well, I’ll be one for a second, it’s not that difficult to be in the “Mommy Club”. it’s reproduction and has been happening for Centuries, don’t get me wrong, CHILD BIRTH IS EXCRUCIATING! But, afterward, there you go, new baby! Anyone is allowed to have one. There’s no rigorous process or interviews unless you try to adopt. FYI, ANYONE can really If you lost four kids to DCS (Department of Child Services) forever, you can just have as many more as you want. See how the “Club” is getting less exclusive…?
Thus, the division begins… and phone calls are about her baby and much less of, well, anything you have to say. Suddenly, what you’re saying fades and you realize that…maybe you need to make some new friends who share similar other interests… She becomes a baby expert and joins the “Mommy Club” at the park and you decide to take a cooking class. Anyhow, she instructs you how to support the head and, when you rest the baby’s head gently on your shoulder, the reaction doesn’t come from the baby”s discomfort, but from the Grandmother, “you’re going to suffocate her that way!” (No, Mother, I want, and just because I’m in college doesn’t mean that I have no maternal instincts) and you have to remind her that you know how to hold a baby. (Just wait for that “black sheep” blog!)
There is, however, an even FURTHER divide in the “Mommy Club”. There are Mommas who are shunned by some for continuing to work and build a career, and there are some being shunned for putting careers on hold and being stay-at-home Mommas. (No offense to ANYONE, but the stay-at-home Mom route seems like the worst thing in the world. I need grown-up talk all of the time though. I accidentally curse in front of my niece and nephew.)
Feel free to use Notamommas to babysit, if they are so willing to do. Newborns are the easiest to babysit (in my opinion), come on, all they do is eat, sleep, and shit and if ONE of those things tended to or they’re teething, they’re crying. Second, toddlers. Make sure you babysit at their house though, it’s already proofed. They’re just so much fun! You gotta love ’em!
“Mommas” generally divide lives, once their children are born, into the chapters of their children. “No, that was Jonathan’s first birthday so it was 2012…”. My mother couldn’t tell one story that didn’t involve our chapters and she and my dad were married for 8 years before they had kids. It’s not a criticism, but it’s a truth and a difference. The days may begin to blend together, but your child’s milestones are so much more important than milestones that any Mommas’ are going to make through their careers. As Notamomma, you can openly challenge me on this, I’m just going from personal experience from speaking with Momma friends.
“Notamommas” have different ways to divide their lives that don’t involve children. New schools, graduations, vacations, new sports cars, new jobs, promotions, climbing the corporate ladder and breaking those glass ceilings, birthdays (hey, they’re like bills, they just keep on comin’, too) bachelorette parties, weddings, etc. Anyway, It doesn’t take much to celebrate, even if you’re a wife who stays at home (yes, they exist and no, they’re not lazy) for “Mommas” and “Notamomma” alike.
When you’re a Momma, you’re not only a Momma to your child. What YOU do impacts your children and the children around them. Here’s my share on the topic: When I was 11, my parents decided to begin shifting to other peoples’ homes without a care of how it affected me OR those family dynamics. The families were generally nice at first, out of pity, but the siblings would grow resentful over time. And there was plenty of time. I’ve had so many adopted” parents over the years, I could not even name them all, but I could probably give you a walking tour through my childhood town and point out all of the places I have stayed too long, that I have been loved by others, and that I have been accepted for far too long. Without those “Mommas”, I wouldn’t be me. No one would have told me what a good kid I was our how I was welcomed to even be raised in their homes, I overheard more than one conversation about “adoption”. If it weren’t for those Mommas, I wouldn’t know what unconditional love was, or that “family” had more than one meaning.
If you’re not a “kid person” (meaning you just don’t like to be around kids at all and they gross you out, 🙂 or the “Mommy Club” people you know let their children run wild like rabid animals who do not AT ALL listen to their parents OR they treat their kid’s like they’re their best friend (inappropriate, by the way). Here’s one way to get around it, have a girls’ night out at a bar for drinks. No babies or little ones in the bar…just sayin’. A special celebration dinner for a birthday, promotion, graduation, etc. You will have a pretty good chance that no kiddies will be toted along. Not a perfect chance, but if you start at 7 pm or 8 pm, you have a better chance.
First, we’re all rockin’ “Mommas”, “Notamommas”, Aunties, Uncles, Daughters, Grandchildren, and, most importantly, sisters. We’re all sisters. Life isn’t to compete with each other, we need to concentrate on doing better everyday for OURSELVES, to compete with OUR personal best. One unspoken division that sometimes comes up that women rarely say without contempt, “I wish I had your life”. No one really wants to admit that, even though they told everyone that they never wanted children secretly wonder what their lives would look if they had had children. No one with children wants to admit that SHE wonders what her life would look like without them. And that woman in between, taking hormone injections nightly and saying her prayers to God that He will bless her with a child. That woman who doesn’t know who she has left to cry to because she’s afraid she’s cried too much to every person she knows about being unable to have a baby. We are all sisters. Never forget to give your sister a break, a prayer, a hug, and a tear, if she needs it.
All pics come from FreePik and the title Pic is Canva and FreePik.